Looking at the previous season of US network TV and what’s coming next, there have been a lot of reboots and remakes. We already started with some on NBC (Will & Grace), Fox (The X-Files), and ABC (Roseanne). Next season, The CW has two (Roswell, New Mexico and Charmed), CBS kept one (Magnum P.I.), and Fox did a weird end run to steal one from ABC (Last Man Standing).
Everything looks like things we’ve had and seen before, a fact I was reflecting on when writing up a recap of the Upfronts back in May. So I dug deep into my head to come up with some fun ideas for queer remakes that would be nice to see. None of these are real, but if you wanted to make them…
My Three Sons
A half-hour dramady, this would be exactly like the original (a single father with three sons), only in this remake, one of the sons is trans. In the original, the show was often a slice-of-life show, even having one episode devoted to the chaos of getting up and wrangling feeding three boys to get them out to school on time. By keeping the comedy devoted to normal household misunderstandings, this would help normalize families of different types. Speaking of…
Green Acres
A married (queer, obviously) couple decide to give up the high-strung city life and move to the country. Except they both didn’t want to go. One wife wants to stay and loves it. The other one wants to go back to the city every chance she gets. The town is completely welcoming, but sometimes goes a little over-the-top. Like when they have the gay pride parade (the first one!) and it’s just our poor two queers walking through down followed by the high school band.
Gillian’s Island
Just sit right back and you’ll hear a tale, a tale of a fateful trip, That started from this tropic port, aboard this tiny ship. The mate was a mighty sailin’ lass, the Skipper brave and sure. Five queer people set sail that day for a three hour tour. A three hour tour. The weather started getting rough, the tiny ship was tossed. If not for the courage of the fearless crew, the Minnow would be lost. The Minnow would be lost.
The ship set ground on the shore of this uncharted desert isle, with Gillian, her Skipper too, the Millionaire and her wife, the movie star, the Professor and Mary Ann, here on Gillian’s Isle.
My Mother the Queer
This one is super old, and only lasted one season, but there was a show staring Dick Van Dyke about a car that was his reincarnated mother, and she talked to him through the radio. It was hilariously non-sensical. In this remake, David Crabtree’s mother is reincarnated as a (you guessed it) young queer. This person knows everything about David, and remembers his entire life. They’re here to help David move on past some event and the regular sitcom hilarity ensues.
What Classic TV Show Would You Like to See Queerbooted?
Are you an I Love Lucy fan who wants to see it gayed up?
