The Queerest Things I Watched Last Week – September 16, 2019

Queerest Things - Cable Girls season four

On this chapter of The Queerest Things I Watched Last Week, BH90210 has a finale episode while The Deuce has a premiere, and Cable Girls season four is off to a very queer start.

Warning: This post contains spoilers!
The Deuce – Season 3 Episode 1 “The Camera Loves You” [Live]

The Deuce is back, and we’re in 1985! I had my fingers crossed Irene (Roberta Colindrez) would be back and she was! She has gone from Sex Emporium manager to Porn camera person. There wasn’t a lot of her in this episode, but she got the best line.

Those may be the truest words spoken by a lesbian character in the entire history of television.

BH90210 – Season 1 Episode 6 “The Long Wait” [Live]

This week on the Straightest OG 90210 Binge-Watch Ever, I made it to season two where we meet Emily Valentine’s character. Y’all didn’t tell me she had a Fatal Attraction-style story arc. Or the fact she dosed Brandon with “Euphoria.” Were you not allowed to say the word “Ecstasy” on TV in the 90s? Wow, her character is intense, but she made the show’s issue-of-the-week formula more interesting.

Now, for the new BH90120 season one finale.

The gang made it to the wrap party, but Christine says the next hurdle is getting picked up. Tori thinks it’s in the bag, but actually it’s between them and a The O.C. reboot. Of course, I had to Google to see if there actually is an O.C. reboot in the works and there’s not.

At the party, Jennie asks Gabrielle about her marriage and says they hope they work it out because her husband is a great guy.

BH90210 - I'm not going to throw away 30 year of marriage

Jennie Garth and Tori Spelling as an intentional comedic pair (not an ironic one like in the original) are so funny. I really love how they react to all the Gabrielle stuff.

Tori manages to get a copy of the pilot’s testing results and the comments aren’t very flattering for the cast.

BH90210 - Andrea Zuckerman being gay or bi is pretty funny

I guess Gabrielle was going for serious but it came off as funny. Much like the “drugs are bad” episode of OG 90210 when they went to the underground party.

Even though The O.C. did better in testing, Fox chooses 90210! The gang is off to New York to promote the show, and while checking into the hotel, there is an awkward meeting between Christine and Gabrielle’s husband Chris.

BH90210 - Christine, this is my husband, Chris

Chris and Christine. Was that on purpose?

Later, Gabrielle tells her husband exactly who Christine is, but he already figured it out.

BH90210 - The one you slept with

I guess he can just sense who the person his wife is having her sexual self-discovery with.

He took it pretty well, and didn’t get jealous or angry, but, his patience is not going to last forever.

BH90210 - I know

What happens to Gabrielle and her marriage is just ONE of many cliffhangers we’re left with at the end of season one! Please listen to Jennie Garth and let Fox know you want more BH90210!

Orange Is the New Black – Season 7 Episode 11 “God Bless America” [Streaming]

Another episode and another round of Piper and Alex trying to hold their relationship together. Piper makes a grandiose gesture and mails Alex a shipping envelope full of little slips of paper, each with a reason why she loves her. Alex is supposed to open one each week for the rest of her prison stay.

Orange is the New Black - I'm always thinking about you, Alex

Alex says she loves it, but later when Piper tells her she’s going to a fancy Gala as Zelda’s plus one, you can tell Alex is concerned about their growing friendship.

Piper and Sophia run into each other at their probation officer’s office and reconnect. I was so happy to see Sophia and know she is doing well post-prison. I appreciate the show tying up loose ends in this last season with single character appearances here and there.

Sophia does Piper’s hair for the fancy gala and tells Piper she’s happy she moved on.

Orange is the New Black - Some fools find it heard to let go of their prison relationships

Sophia is like, “No, you gotta let go of prison life.” Now that they’re out they are free to live the life they want. Piper insists she is dedicated to Alex and her relationship, but Sophia remains skeptical.

Back in prison, Alex again tries to end things with CO McCullough. She does not take the news well.

Emily Tarver does such a good job of making McCullough rip my heart out. I feel so bad for her, but I guess those little love notes made Alex rethink their situation.

Back in the ICE prison, Shani’s deportation is imminent and she writes Nicky a goodbye note. I paused the video and transcribed it for you all:

Dear Nicky,

They are taking me back to Egypt today. I wish I could have thanked you for adding a little bit of humanity to this place. It is people like you that keep people like me alive. You meant more to me than...

Just then an ICE CO comes to take her away. Shani quickly gets the note to the kitchen staff so they can give it to Nicky.

Orange is the New Black - Hey, what are you doing.gif

This segues into a Shani pre-prison flashback.

What we’re supposed to extrapolate from this is Shani’s family was going to commit her to death for being gay and to avoid that she escaped to the US.

Not to be a jerk, but I Googled the Egyptian laws regarding homosexuality. I wanted to see if I was understanding things correctly. Female homosexuality is not specifically outlawed, but under morality laws, punishment can be up to 17 years in prison with or without hard labor & fines. I’m not sure exactly what she is walking into back home, but it is not good.

Meanwhile, Piper had a wonderful time at the Gala with Zelda and after Zelda walks her home, she asks if Piper is going to invite her in.

Orange is the New Black - Zelda, I do, but I can't

Even though it’s been made clear in the last couple of episodes Piper is attracted to Zelda, she stays true to Alex and turns Zelda down. Zelda is understanding and they say goodbye. Just as Piper opens the door to her apartment building, a very disheveled CO McCullough shows up on her doorstep.

Wow, McCullough looked so unhinged I didn’t recognize her at first! She tells her Alex thinks she’s being a good faithful wife while she’s actually running around with Zelda. She also says Alex has moved on — with her. Piper calls her crazy and threatens to call the police, but McCullough leaves on her own with these parting words.

Orange is the New Black - You built a new life for yourself, Chapman

I guess a scary visit from your prison wife’s sidepiece was enough to drive Piper into Zelda’s arms.

Orange is the New Black - Piper and Zelda kiss

Back at Litchfield, Nicky gets the note from Shani and it’s as heartbreaking as you can imagine.

Orange is the New Black - Nicky reads Shani's letter

Ugh, that was so fucking sad. This show knows how to keep you in a perpetual state of despair.

Cable Girls (Las chicas del cable) – Season 4 Episode 1 “Chapter 25: Equality” [Streaming]

My wife and I finally started Cable Girls season four. The season opens up with a 1-year time jump and Carlota running for Mayor on a very progressive platform.

Cable Girls season four - Here's to the first female mayor of Madrid

Luis Jiménez de Asúa and Victoria Kent were real people. Luis Jiménez de Asúa, authored published text in defense of sexual and reproductive freedoms and Victoria Kent was a lesbian lawyer and politician who ironically opposed women’s right to vote.

In the progressive safety bubble of The White Lady, Carlota and Oscar dance and talk about the campaign.

They are so cute, but this is a telenovela, and things can’t stay sweet for very long. A dude comes up to Carlota and tells her opponent, Gregorio Diaz, wants to meet with her outside. Uh oh.

Carlota gets into his car (bad move number one) where he shows her photos of her and Oscar.

Cable Girls season four - You have entered my home

He threatens her saying he’ll give the photos to the press unless she drops out of the race. Carlota is pissed, and she says she’ll expose him for being a piece of shit. But he gets to her by saying she and Oscar’s lives will be threatened if their relationship goes public.

Cable Girls season four - Don't do anything you could regret

A blackmailer and a transphobic piece of shit.

That night, Oscar can tell something is wrong with Carlota. He thinks it’s just nerves over an upcoming debate on the radio, but Carlota has those photos on her mind.

Cable Girls season four - Are you okay

Carlota and Gregorio go into the studio for their mayoral debate with Oscar, Carlos and the girls there to support her. With the debate underway, Carlota drops this bomb.

Cable Girls season four - I decided to step down

Carlota’s entourage is like, “Why are you doing this?” and instead of coming clean about the blackmail, Carlota says it’s about protecting her and Oscar’s relationship.

That scene is really cute, and I love a sweeping romantic gesture on television, but it’s not the entire reason Carlota’s dropping out.

The next day, Lydia goes to pick Carlota up and bring her to her wedding, and she’s not even dressed yet. The truth comes spilling out, and Carlota tells Lydia all about the blackmail and photos. Instead of going to her wedding, Carlota is going to meet with Gregorio at a hotel and get those pictures.

At the wedding, Lydia is bugging out because Carlota has not shown up and she assumes something has gone terribly wrong with the photo exchange. She finally tells Oscar and the girls what’s really going on, and they all head to the hotel to rescue Carlota. They, along with the police and hotel staff, storm into Gregorio’s hotel room to find Gregorio dead on the floor and Carlota holding what looks like the murder weapon.

Cable Girls - Miss, what have you done

That scene was telenovela perfection and I am SO here for it!

It looks like Cable Girls season four is going to be all about getting Carlota cleared of Gregorio’s murder. Pass the popcorn.

I get a little break this week before our shows start coming back for the Fall season. My wife and I are going to use the time to finish the new season of Dear White People and Cable Girls season four.

About Tracy Levesque

America's favorite biracial, TV obsessed lesbian. Tracy will watch almost any show with queer female characters and has a lot to say about it. She is happy to have joined queer WordPress superpowers with Mika to build this site. She lives with her wife and kid in Philly.
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