The Queerest Things I Watched Last Week – April 22, 2019

Queerest Things - Petramos is back

On this chapter of The Queerest Things I Watched Last Week, Petramos is back on Jane the Virgin; Toni tries to extract Cheryl from a cult on Riverdale, and Mel comes out…as a witch on Charmed.

Warning: This post contains spoilers!
Legends of Tomorrow – Season 4 Episode 11 “Séance and Sensibility” [Live]

Sadly, it’s another episode without Ava.

The Legends have to time travel to the era of Jane Austin to save her novels from disappearing from history. There they discover Kamadeva, the Hindu god of love, masquerading as a hot carriage driver and messing with people’s 1800s reservedness.

For example, a bride declares her love for her family’s maid while walking down the aisle.

This was a fun, but very straight episode culminating in an amazing Bollywood number. I enjoyed it, but I miss Avalance.

It looks like we will be getting Ava back tonight after she goes missing, and Sara finds her in a big box store.

The Bold Type – Season 3 Episode 2 “Plus It Up” [Live]

Have the Bold Type writers been reading my recaps? I bet on no, but it’s fun to imagine. Because in this episode Kat discovers her fictitious lesbian bar hang, Wild Susan’s, is closing.

The Bold Type - Wild Susan's
The Bold Type brings lesbian bar realness.

My commentary has been queer female bars are an endangered species, and while there are very few left, the show made it look like they’re a thriving meat market. I’m glad The Bold Type had this story line, and I have to believe “Wild Susan’s” is a tribute to NYC lesbian bar Crazy Nanny’s that closed in 2004.

After talking to the owner, Kat finds out the bar is $42K in deep in fines, but they have only been brought up by developers who want to force them out.

Kat gets the idea to throw a Queer Prom to raise the $42K to pay off Wild Susan’s fines. That’s really cute and great, but $42,000 is A LOT of money to raise in one night.

Queer Prom is super fun, but Kat is only able to raise half the money. At the end of the night, Kat approaches the district’s Councilperson and asks him if they can use the $20K for a partial payment on the fines.

The Bold Type - The community needs this space

Yeah, no. Like a few Councilpeople in Philly, he only cares about pleasing developers and thinks tossing the community some “open space” should be enough to pacify the neighborhood.

Kat can instantly tell this guy does not care at all about the community and goes home to Google him.

The Bold Type - Linda Zephyr

Okay, it looks like Kat is going to join the fight for Linda Zephyr to take the seat away from Lawrence “I don’t give a shit about lesbian bars” Reynolds. I’m here for that.

Riverdale – Season 3 Episode 18 “Chapter Fifty-Three: Jawbreaker” [Live]

Y’all, I am so not into this “Cheryl joins a cult” story line, but here we are. At least Toni is on the same page as me.

Betty recruits Toni into The Farm cult busting club. She’s figured out they suck people in by convincing them they’re able to talk to their dead loved ones. Betty has video evidence this is not true and thinks if Toni shows the video to Cheryl, she’ll snap out of it.

Yeah, no such luck. Cheryl has drank the Kool-Aid.

Evelyn has caught on to Toni’s interfering, but Toni smacks that shit down quickly.

“Bitch, I love her.” is one of the best lines ever spoken on this show.

The video evidence didn’t work, so Toni tries another tactic.

Video evidence didn’t work and neither did sex. The Farm has given Cheryl an ultimatum: The Farm or your girlfriend. Cheryl is torn, but she’s going to side with continuing to see her brother Jason.

Dear Riverdale,
Please, oh please, do not let Toni get sucked into the cult. 
I enjoy your show, but to be honest, this storyline is annoying.
Please let Toni keep to her senses and go undercover to finally break Cheryl free.
Jane the Virgin Person Whose Life is Back to Normal / Person Who Doesn’t Know What She Doesn’t Know – Season 5 Episode 4 “Chapter Eighty-Five” [Live]

We’ve had 4 solid episodes of Petra and JR broken up. I get these things take time, but this is the LAST SEASON. Get these two back together already!

The butt dial strategy from last week is still in full effect, and Petra is very needy of Jane’s consultation.

Jane the Virgin Petramos is back - Jane helps Petra with texts

Petra calls and texts Jane all day for advice. It’s pretty cute, but Jane ignores her because she’s got her whole ex-husband back from the dead thing to deal with.

Jane the Virgin Petramos is back - Petra's texts

This is seriously how my daughter texts me if I don’t respond immediately.

Jane finally goes to Petra’s place where they promptly drink five martinis, and Jane helps Petra write a compelling text to JR. The text worked! JR says she’s willing to see Petra at her place at 6pm.

Petra knows she needs to have her game on. This is her big chance to win JR back.

Jane the Virgin Petramos is back - Winning my ex-girlfriend back speech

Petra is headed out the door when she is met by her mother in the hall!

Jane the Virgin Petramos is back - Hot date

Great. Petra is going to one of the most important dates of her life and now she’s handcuffed to her evil mom. That’s not a good accessory to wear if you’re trying to win back your ex-girlfriend.

Petra makes it to JR’s door.

Even while attached to her mom who is enthusiastically telling JR all of Petra’s worst moments, JR still takes her back.

Yay! I’m so happy Petramos is back together. Also the “That I know” answer to Petra being a brunette is fabulous.

Now to deal with the fact that Petra is handcuffed to her mother.

I love how Petra ignored letting Jane know Michael was still there because she got pulled away by JR.

Also, let’s all take a moment to admire JR wielding an axe.

Jane the Virgin Petramos is back - JR wielding an axe

Have we all recovered from that?

Now that Petramos is back, how is the rest of the series going to play out? Endgame, please!

Charmed – Season 1 Episode 18 “The Replacement” [Live]

It’s the first episode after Mel and Jada’s breakup, and Mel is stuck working Niko and Greta’s bachelorette party.

Charmed - Greta and I rented the place

Of course they booked the bar Mel works at. I love that little wave Greta gives Mel.

I was ready to settle into 30 entertaining minutes of Mel at Greta and Niko’s party, but she left quickly to do some witch business with Maggie. As usual, Niko was lurking around with a look of suspicion on her face.

Charmed - Niko looking suspicious

Later, Mel goes to Jada’s tattoo shop/Sarcana headquarters and finds Niko there after the place has been ransacked. Niko’s done with Mel’s suspicious behavior and demands she tell her what she’s been hiding.

Mel then finally comes clean to Niko about being a witch.

Wow, now Mel no longer has anything to hide from Niko! Except there’s an alternate timeline where they were girlfriends together. I wonder when she’s going to drop that bomb.

Mel goes into the basement and finds a lot of dead Sarcana. Y’all, at this point I was so scared Jada was going to be dead. I saw us adding her as a dead character to the site flash before my eyes, but thank goodness Mel found her alive!

Jada tells her this is Fiona’s work, and she’s going to leave town to escape her. She says Mel and her sisters should do the same thing. Mel says they’re going to stay and fight. Jada tells her to be careful then zaps away.

Charmed - Jada zaps away

It’s going to be The Charmed Ones vs. Fiona The Big Bad, but what is going to happen to Mel, Niko and Greta now that Niko knows Mel’s a witch? I can’t wait to find out.

Tonight — Sara and Ava have their “Ikea” episode on Legends of Tomorrow. At ClexaCon, Jes mentioned their reconciliation involved boxes, so I am very much looking forward to it!

About Tracy Levesque

America's favorite biracial, TV obsessed lesbian. Tracy will watch almost any show with queer female characters and has a lot to say about it. She is happy to have joined queer WordPress superpowers with Mika to build this site. She lives with her wife and kid in Philly.
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