Welcome to another Things We Love post!
One day it dawned on me that many of the things we absolutely love on TV are often things we don’t like in real life. I don’t know why TV has the magical power of turning something unwanted into something loved, but I’m not going to process it. I’m just going to enjoy it.
Here are the top 9 things I love on TV that I do not like in real life.
- Drama
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When it comes to friends and relationships, I don’t like drama. I live a comfortably boring, low-drama life, and I prefer it that way. People in my past who were psychological game players, liars or folks who just liked to start trouble for entertainment, have been dropped from my life.
I don’t take a hard line on cheating (life is long and shit happens), but I don’t like it when my friends are cheated on in a mean and devastating way.
When it comes to TV, however, I like drama in my drama. I love outrageous, over-the-top scenarios, and yes, even cheating. I think it’s because I was raised on Soap Operas. The louder a show makes me yell at my TV the better.
The Hen/Karen/Eva situation on 9-1-1 is some good high drama. When Hen’s ex Eva came skulking around to talk to Hen and Karen’s son Denny while he, Hen and Karen were at the park, my wife and I screamed at the TV.
Karen looked like she wanted to fight. I know Eva’s terrible, but I want her to keep making appearances from time-to-time.
My number one pick for dramatic hot mess is Naomi Watts as Diane/Jean from Gypsy. She’s a NYC shrink who forms inappropriate relationships with people in her patients’ lives.
There is so much wrong about her character and my wife and I cringed as “Diane” made one bad decision after another. Still we couldn’t help loving her. We were completely addicted to watching her spiral.
“Diane” had a fake persona, a secret NYC apartment and about a thousand lies going on at once.
Sadly, Nexflix cancelled Gypsy after one season so we will never know what happened to Diane. But every once in awhile my wife and I look at each other and say, “I wonder what Diane’s up to.”
- Big Proposals
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I know people love those grandiose proposal videos that go viral, but I would be horrified if that happened to me. When my wife and I decided to get married, it was a, “Hey, it’s going to be legal, wanna do it?”
However, I’m a sucker for a big queer proposal scene on TV.
When Freeya proposed to Keelin on The Originals, I totally loved it. They were in an on-again/off-again rocky relationship filled with supernatural drama, but Freeya decided to put a ring on it with a dramatic proposal.
It was sappy, inspired by a near-death experience, and I ate it up.
It’s still painful to mention this one, but when Alex proposed to Maggie on Supergirl, it was so amazing it broke the Internet.
At the time I didn’t see it coming, and afterwards, I daydreamed about a big Sanvers TV wedding until we got the news Floriana was leaving the show. While I’m still sad about it, I think it was worth it for that proposal scene.
- Intimacy Issues
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In real life I have no desire to coax someone out of intimacy issues. I’m there for you as a friend, but when it comes to a partner, I prefer someone who is easy to be with.
On TV, however, I am totally in love with prickly, “no one get close to me” characters; the colder and more distant, the better.
Example number one is Theo Crain on The Haunting of Hill House.
I’d be chasing after her and her magic hands just like Trish did, even after she threw Trish out of the house the same night they met.
Theo’s coldness only makes me want her more.
Sameen Shaw from Person of Interest has an “Axis II Personality Disorder” which makes her have little to no feelings, emotions or empathy towards other people.
Sounds like the perfect TV girlfriend!
The fact that it would be nearly impossible for Sameen to be in a romantic relationship, makes Root’s tenacity to make it happen all the better.
- Bossy and Mean
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I’m a proponent of kindness, and I don’t like it when people are mean to others, I would certainly not like having a mean girlfriend who bossed me around. However, I love a bossy and mean queer character and enjoy watching them yell at people on my TV.
OG bossy and mean lesbian is Bette Porter from The L Word. The L Word mostly sucked, but I loved watching Bette yell at people. It was pretty hot.
Emma on Vida is my favorite “things I don’t like in real life” character. She checks off almost every item on my list, and I’m completely in love with her. She is one of the meanest and bossiest queer women on TV.
Only Emma can sustain peak mean while everyone’s mourning her mother’s death.
Ava on Legends of Tomorrow is all business when we meet her, and while I do like the fact that Sara has gotten her to soften up, I love condescending Ava.
Ava being such a serious character makes the soft moments we get with her now even sweeter. I’m okay with soft Ava as long as business Ava makes frequent appearances.
- Criminals
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I’m generally a law-abiding citizen and would never recommend a life in crime as a career choice, but I love a foxy queer master criminal.
Rose Solano, aka “Sin Rostro” on Jane the Virgin is the biggest crime boss on that show. Since episode one, I’ve been happily riding her and Luisa’s non-stop relationship roller coaster.
I especially enjoyed this flashback episode when we got to see Rose and Luisa’s relationship before they were romantically involved with each other.
My number one favorite queer TV character of all time is Root from Person of Interest. Her criminal record is pretty long: Hacker, Assassin, Kidnapper, Killer, just to name a few. I like my characters complicated and Root is complicated turned up to 11.
She can threaten me with an iron any day.
- Weddings
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I’m personally not into weddings — the thought of having an event where all attention is focused on my relationship sounds like a nightmare to me. Luckily, my wife is on the same page, and we got married on a business trip with the minimum legally required witnesses present.
However, when it comes to big queer TV weddings, I’m the opposite. I want them over-the-top complete with all the tropes, and the cheesier the better.
Callie and Arizona on Grey’s Anatomy had one of the first queer TV weddings that wasn’t just for ratings.
I loved the fact that they got past all of their issues up until that point, and made this commitment to each other. Unfortunately, in true Shonda fashion, it didn’t last very long, and they eventually broke up.
Nomi and Amanita on Sense8 is one of my favorite queer TV couples of all time. They were so loving and supportive of one another that it was perfect for them to have a big Paris wedding in the finale.
I’m still sad the show was cancelled, but at least they gave us one of the sweetest and grandest queer weddings on TV.
Ruby and Sapphire’s wedding on Steven Universe was not only cute and sweet, but also history making.
It’s difficult to describe just how amazing this TV event was and do it justice. It was the first same-sex wedding of two main characters on a mainstream children’s show. I can only imagine how the trajectory of my life would have changed if I had this show when I was a kid.
- Violence
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I have never been in a fight in my life, and I suspect I’d last 2 seconds if I were ever in one. I don’t like people hurting other people and dislike all violence in general.
However, there are few things I love more than watching a queer woman kick ass on TV.
Anissia’s fight scenes on Black Lightning are just amazing.
Thunder is the lesbian super-powered superhero of our dreams!
I swear I am a peaceful person, but I got so much satisfaction from watching both Root and Shaw kill the other person’s enemy on Person of Interest.
Does this make me a bad person? To be honest, I don’t care, I love them too much.
- Guns
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There are few things I hate on this planet more than guns. It makes no sense to me that we can get romaine lettuce removed from all grocery store shelves, but we can’t pass sensible gun control legislation.
Even though I’d make all guns disappear if I was given magical powers, there are few things I find hotter than watching a queer woman wield a gun on TV.
Alex Danvers with her new gun on season two of Supergirl was so badass, and I loved how the gun became its own character throughout the rest of the season.
I miss this tough, alien-shooting, actually having a life of her own Alex. I hope she comes back someday.
Root and her two guns on Person of Interest is hands-down one of the hottest things to ever grace a TV screen.
When Root is first allowed to join the team and asks for two guns, Shaw makes fun of her.
But soon enough the two of them are shooting guns together just fine.
I think I could dedicate an entire 500 word post to Root and her guns. But for now, these GIFs will have to do.
- Smoking
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Smoking is the number one thing I dislike in real life. I apologize to all the smokers out there — no judgement! But, I couldn’t go back to the days of smoking permitted inside clubs and bars. I hated coming home stinking of smoke and feeling like I inhaled 100 cigarettes.
I don’t like the smell or the fact that it may take years off my smoking friends’ lives, but goodness, I think a woman smoking on TV is super hot.
Irene on The Deuce gives 1970s Sex Emporium manager smoking realness.
This continuous shot of Emma smoking on Vida is gorgeous.
And my number one favorite smoking queer TV character is Betty on Bomb Girls.
There’s just something about watching her use the bomb factory outdoor lighters.
Why is this so hot? Her style of smoking adds so much to her tough but sweet closeted lesbian persona.
And this scene at the end of the premiere episode of season 2, where Gladys, Betty and Kate share a cigarette, is a masterpiece.
I’m going to end this Things We Don’t Like in Real Life tribute with a GIF combining many of these items in a single scene. I know Betty Draper from Mad Men wasn’t queer (outside of my dreams), but I love this clip from when she’s shooting at her neighbor’s birds while smoking a cigarette.
Do you have anything you hate IRL but love on TV? Let me know in the comments!
